So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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