Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
