Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
