I CAN MOONWALK!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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