yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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