That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
