I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
