i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
