Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This is not my ceiling
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
