i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
