I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
