Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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