the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize