I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
