He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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