Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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