I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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