Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
