What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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