he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
