Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
