I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
