My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
