My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
