She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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