nut hugger
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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