a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
