A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
