She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
