how can u be prego again
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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