I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
