there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
