i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
