It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
