the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
