i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
