I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
