I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
