I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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