i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
