I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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