it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
