haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize