My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
