i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
