went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
