We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
