got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
