dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
