Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
