Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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