my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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