just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
