My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize