He is an equal opportunity slut.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
