And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
