I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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