you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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