we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
