1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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