I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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