Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
