what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize