I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
