I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
