It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
