FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
