It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
